Drivers ed soon!

Hopefully!

Natural Peanut Butter

Have you tried natural peanut butter? It’s kind of…gross. Idk, I’m used to the regular peanut butter, while this stuff…the ingredients say simply: peanuts, and less then 1% of salt. It’s supposed to be healthy for you, but instead it’s 200 cal per 2 tablespoons. Which, last time I checked, wasn’t too awesome.

So am I really making a blog about peanut butter? No, I’m not. I promise.

It’s just that peanut butter’s all that’s good right now. Things are increasing in complications, because I have too many feelings. And so I gorge on peanut butter.

In all honesty, I don’t like how I am right now. Giving out girlfriend and boyfriend advice to my friends isn’t a problem. I always do that, it seems. I’m always the confidante for a lot of people which, up until recently, was okay.

But when the person that I haven’t spoken to in 5 years, the same person I liked when we did speak 5 years ago, beams back into my life and wants to be friends…of course I was leery about it. I wasn’t about to dive in headfirst, without any water wings or precautionary floaties. But unfortunately, life has other plans.

I feel like just giving up. Because honestly, I’m becoming something I promised myself I’d never become again. I’m turning back into the codependant girl again, who cries while trying to give my friend advice on how to talk to a girl and who texts her friends in the middle of the night and expects an answer. I’m grasping for sand desperately. And I hate myself for it.

In all honesty, I would stick with your Skippy Peanut Butter, or Jif, or Peter Pan, or whatever other brands there are. Because I don’t like this natural stuff. It doesn’t quite taste as good.

But in any case, I still have that hollow feeling in my throat. Natural or not.

History Repeats Itself: Conservatives, The 1920s, and Now!

thoughtification:

I’m assuming that it is safe enough to say that all of you, or most of you, have heard the old adage that History Repeats Itself. While at times this just seems cliche, given the fact that this saying is used when even the slightest semblance of repetition, it is safe to say that America is currently facing a slew of problems that it near exactly matched nearly 80 years ago, sandwiched between the two World Wars.

Educate yourself in this post in the “John Analyzes the World” series, by clicking:

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It seems like..

.. the intelligence levels of human beings is inversely related to whatever year it is. As time goes on, more and more people are becoming bigoted dumbfucks.

Long time, no see.

So I got distracted. I haven’t found my way to tumblr in a long, long time. And honestly, most of me is OK with that; I find enough to waste my time on every day, much less tumblr. But here I am. So, it’s been a while. And I’ve changed. A lot. I went to college, and I’ve been back. I’ll be salmoning my way through the return trip tomorrow evening, even. And I am so, so ready to go. Normally, I ramble. So tonight I’m gonna keep it short. I’ve learned some things, both good and bad, and I sure as hell won’t mince words about ‘em. When you finish reading (if you do), you’ll probably think to yourself that I’ve let what little of me I had go and left it to die on the side of the highway. Maybe you’re right. But I feel good, and I feel like I’m learning, I feel like I’m living (maybe), and isn’t that what really counts? So here it all is; the good, the bad, and the ugly, all in one rough, concise, and fully intentional keystrokes:

• I smoked green, bought green, and loved it til I busted. Now I smoke outside, on my favorite tombstone, like I did before, when the weather was warm.
• I made some friends and drank with all of them, and now I can’t drink without someone losing their shit somehow, each goddamn time.
• I took up hookah, and own my own— my favorite flavor’s spearmint and peppermint schnapp’s. Cheerios and smoke rings every time I try to breathe.
• I came out, met someone, moved in together, and five months later we’re still fooling around. Maybe I do know what love is.
• I figured out that I’m interested in an issue until it’ required to be interested. Haven’t done an assignment before the preceding 24 hours in the last semester and a half, except that one time I did it after.
• I don’t care about money anymore. It’s a lot and it’s a little and it really doesn’t define happiness; it just gets you happier.
• And I finally fuckin learned that some of the greatest people are the ones with the piercings and tattoos with cult brand jackets that reek of weed and cigarette smoke and carry their whiskey in monogrammed flasks because they’re not fucking around when it comes to upping the ante. All you need is a one room apartment— one kitchen counter, one bathroom, one bedroom, one bed — and something to live for and you can really begin to choose your own destiny. Don’t give a fuck, because no one gives a fuck; respect because you don’t deserve it otherwise; and never let a first impression define who someone really is. Do that, and you’ll get by.

Now it’s 2:30 in the morning, my day hasn’t even started yet, and I’m about to make some Nutella toast because goddamn I earned it.

A fuckin Royale with Cheese.

College visit!

I visited my state’s University today and let me just say wow, because it was insane. The campus was insanely huge and scared the Hell out of me, but it almost helped be decide that I do want to go to that college. It was crazy!

i still hope for the best

well ive been talking to her, and idk maybe she likes me back. but people usually frustrate me and get on my last nerve. but things are different with her.

I almost wish I was kidding

Another 18 year old that I knew passed away. And this one is my best friend’s cousin.
And all I’m concerned about is her and her family, which I love so much.
Because just three short years ago, she and her family lost a cousin to cancer. Cross your fingers for the family, because they’re really going to need it.

Colleges

So my guidance counselor gave me a list of colleges she thinks I should apply for. Some of these schools are just— I am not worthy. I’m not stupid, but I’m not smart enough to go to Harvard, Princeton, and Bates. That and I don’t want to journey far from home.

Ugh, adult life, leave a message at the tone.